Thirty Is the New Sixty?!

Oh my god, where are the jobs? Five years ago I could have written my resume on a dead person with my own feces and gotten hired at Groupon. Now I guess I have to strike out on my own.

Because if you’re an older millennial–I’ll call us thirty to thirty-five–and you’re trying to advance or even keep up your career in writing, advertising, or journalism, you’re probably suddenly finding out why Gen X’ers are so grumpy: age discrimination.

You usually think of age discrimination as something that happens to senile ole fuckers in their sixties. But I’m finding to my horror that age discrimination these days begins in your early thirties–when hiring managers suddenly decide we aren’t quite cool and hip enough.

—SCREECH—

Hang on… those hiring managers are usually baby boomers. Why do they think they’re still hip and capable enough to be working at media companies?

During a recent job search–I just turned 30, and it’s been difficult like it never was back in my desirable 20s; I’m thinking of changing my resume to get rid of some of my experience!–I was trying to figure out what the heck was going on with this. Job after job, my application would be ignored, or else I would be the only person my age getting interviewed, while everybody else was fresh out of college; obviously it was one of the Gen-Zers or whatever you call them who got the job. I couldn’t figure out what was going on, especially since most of the hiring managers were much, much older.

And then I realized: after being mocked for their midlife crises back in the 1980s, Baby Boomers still have not gotten it through their heads that they aren’t 22 anymore!

Holy crap. People who are 70 years old still think they’re so hip they can condescend to a 30-year-old. They think they know more about what’s cool than I do.

And whatever part of them, deep down, that suspects this isn’t true, is still insisting that they need to hire the youngest people possible, the hippest people possible. Because they need to force young people to hang out with them to prove that they are still hip.

What better way to bribe people into being your “pal” than to give them a cool job and money?

A few years ago, I was pretty smug… I was the young kid getting those cool jobs, and I thought I was pretty clever for getting picked above Gen-Xers. Wow, I’m so smart I’m more desirable than someone with fifteen years of experience!

But now that it’s getting harder for me, I feel kind of bad for gloating. I wasn’t clever, I wasn’t hip; the baby boomers who were hiring me just wanted me around to make them feel younger. Like fucking vampires sucking my youthful blood. And now that I’m a 30-year-old hag, they’ve decided to throw me away.

Well, we’ll see about that.

This blog is about growing up and doing it on my own. This job hunt can go suck eggs. From this day forth, consider me an elderly entrepreneur.

I should be able to just get a job and count on it, but the old vampires have carefully sucked that away.

So it’s up to me.

What now? Well, some weirdness. Stay tuned!

Love,

Ann Hedonia.

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